Chelsea loves...TV

God, I hate TV, but I can't stop watching it.

I haven't watched TV much in the past 5 or so years, I'm just not really a huge TV person. I'm an internet person. But since I had Zoe and started sitting around for hours nursing, I decided maybe I could watch some TV while I did it. Pass the time. You know.

Now I freaking can't tear myself away from the Real Housewives of New York City. I hate this show. I hate everything it stands for. I hate the women. I hate it. But I can't stop watching it. Why do I have shit for brains?

Chelsea loves...the ladybug picnic

I remember loving this as a kid and I adore it now. I am going to start singing this song to Zoe.

Chelsea loves....a kick in the pants

Because no one is calling or emailing me to demand I post new pictures, videos and news on this website (like they are for Zoe's) I find myself pretty much ignoring my new personal blog. Hmm. I have had this problem before. Shit.

Here's what's up:

• I think I am addicted to baby gear. I am obsessed with baby carriers (the babywearing kind) - I have 4 (1 ring sling, 1 pouch, 1 baby bjorn, 1 mei tai) and I've got my eye on another one. We just got a new stroller and car seat and I am honestly acting like I just bought 5 new pairs of shoes - that's how excited (and LAME) I am.
• I have BIG EAR PROBLEMS. No, the problem is not that I have big ears. One of my ears is currently swollen shut because of external otitis. There is no noise getting in. It hurts to chew.
  
• I can't stop eating Newman-O's. These are Paul Newman's dairy-free version of Oreos. They aren't as good but they're good enough to eat and eat and eat.
  
• I got my hair colored a dark brown/purpley color. It's cool, but subtle.
  
• My baby is the cutest thing EVAHHHH.
• I'm supposed to be reading Ender's Game for book club...I bought a copy but now I can't find it.
  
• My pre-pregnancy clothes still don't fit. Neither does my wedding ring. Boo.
• Most of the time I walk around at home in just jeans and a bra. The reasons are two-fold...1.) I get really hot when I wear Zoe in the baby carrier and 2.) she spits up all over all my clothes anyway, so why not just let her spit up on my skin? That way, I can just wipe it off. God, I'm smart.

Chelsea loves...the things she ponders while up in the middle of the night breastfeeding

Here is a little sample of some of the things I think about while I'm breastfeeding half-asleep in the middle of the night:

• On Sex and the City, Miranda Hobbes and Steve Brady have a baby and name him Brady Hobbes because they're no longer together. Then, later, they get back together and eventually get married. She probably doesn't change her name and it's no big deal that Brady has her last name and not Steve's. BUT...I wonder, what will they do if they want to have another kid? Will the kid just have a different last name than his/her sibling? One Hobbes and one Brady? Clearly they can't change Brady's last name to Brady. Can they reasonably name a kid Hobbes Brady? I mean, there was that cartoon Calvin and Hobbes, so I guess it could be a first name. Yes, I know Hobbes was a cat. Still. I'm worried. And these aren't real people. And the show is over. But I need to know what they would/will do. I NEED TO KNOW.
• Since I am further restricting my diet (god help me) and am no longer consuming soy, I have to watch to make sure I don't inadvertently eat something cooked in/with soybean oil. Canola oil is a good alternative. But WHAT THE HELL IS CANOLA? Is this a plant? A legume? A root vegetable? A grain? What the fuck?
• What shape does my nipple take in Zoe's mouth? I've seen the thing get stretched WAY too long by the breast pump - does this happen in her mouth, too? She's much friendlier than the breast pump to my nipples, though, so maybe she does something altogether different with them. I will never find out and this maddens me.